I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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