Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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