She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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