He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
