so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
