What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
