Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
