Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
