So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
