I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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