I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
