if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
