they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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