Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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