If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We don't watch enough power rangers
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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