I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
