This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
