We won't sleep together?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
