Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
