it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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