I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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