Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I AM VODKA MAN
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
