what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
