We're like a lot better than the average bears
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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