i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
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