no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
