I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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