I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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