Swine flu. Run for my life!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
