R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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