I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
