Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
