A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I checked into jail on foursquare
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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