so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
3 2 1 whiskey
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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