I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
