Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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