Plan B is the new Plan A
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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