Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I love how my cats smell like pot.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
