Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
