Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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