Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You are the jesus of drinking
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
