I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
