dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My sheets look like a crime scene.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
