If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
