You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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