cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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