Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
