I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
