I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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