Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
