just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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