I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
