apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
