Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
