you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
