so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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