i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize