So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
