Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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