Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
