Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
