six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
