i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
