dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
