I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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