Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
