Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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