No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
