i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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