Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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