I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
