I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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