She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
