it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
