Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
