I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Drake has all the answers
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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