how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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