oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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