what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
