Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
