So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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