Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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