I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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