Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
