At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
