I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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