Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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