Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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